Skip to content
  • Home
  • The why
  • Contact me
clear

Catching the Curveball

The art of dealing with the unexpected

the art of dealing with the unexpected

In:DirectionPositive

7 ways to cope when the unexpected happens

December 26, 2017February 15, 2018

I am finally at a place where I can draw breath. Our much anticipated Christmas has come and gone, Boxing Day is almost over and we are pretty much packed for our beach holiday.

2017 has been a big year. A year full of good stuff, peppered by moments of struggle. I have watched a few of my nearest and dearest go through a tough year. Some have coped better than others, some have made it through to the other side, others are still living with the aftershocks of their unexpected things. We all now count down to heralding in 2018.

All of this has made me reflect – and ask the question: How do you react when the unexpected happens?

Whenever I have had curveballs fly in, my two instincts are to get out of the way to avoid being hit or line myself up to catch the sucker so I can work out how to respond as I take the force of the ball’s momentum.

Now let’s get one thing straight before I get too far in on the curveball analogies – I am no good at sport. I have what can at best be described as “ordinary” ball skills. I manage to catch most objects I thrown towards me, but that process usually involves flailing arms and some weird facial grimacing rather than any display of cool ease that others, with greater sporting prowess, demonstrate. Hitting a ball with a bat in an intentional and directional way – requires way more skill than I posses.

So, bear that in mind as I list out the 7 things I have found most helpful in dealing with the stuff life has thrown at me!

1.The shock can be the jolt you needed

Obviously when the proverbial rug is pulled from underneath you, the furthest thought from your mind is “Yey, I needed that!” but I have found that once I make it to the other side and look back, I can see how the shock of the unexpected gave me the slap in the face I needed to change my life. We may never understand “why” something happened, but if we can find the strength to react and respond with dignity and grace, we might see how all things (even the unexpected) can change the course of our life in a positive way.

2. It’s ok to feel the pain

There will be tears. There will be nights you go to sleep hoping to wake from a bad dream. You will stare at your red-rimmed eyes in the mirror and wonder what you did to deserve this. You might want to curl up and be alone. You might need to be held, and looked after. You might get angry. You might need to scream or physically punch something. And that is all ok. It is part of the grieving process that comes when you lose something or worse still someone. The important thing to remember is that your life is not over. You have not struck out, you just need to work out how to get back in the game even if it is not the game you envisaged.

3. Well-meaning people will say dumb things

Be prepared for this! The fact is not many people know how to help others when their world has been rocked. Most will mask their relief that the “unmentionable thing” has not happened to them by rolling out the standard platitudes about how everything happens for a reason and how you must be some kind of special person to have been dealt these cards. I know I have had to resist the urge to forehead slap quite a few of those well-meaning souls. It pays to remember that they are at least trying to reach out in support, which is a damn sight better than avoiding you because they don’t know what to say.

4. Focus on what you can control

For me the worst part of the curveball is the fact that I have no control. I am a self-confessed control freak! So, focusing on what I can control is key for me. I instinctively look for ways to solve the problem. I look for what I can do to make the best of a bad situation. It might be something little – like taking time out to take a few deep breaths, or making sure I get sleep, or eating properly while coping with a tough situation, or it might be something bigger like choosing to take the “high road” even though it is the last thing I feel like doing. Often one of the only things you can control is how you will react to the curveball – so focus on that.

5. Look for the positives

When we received our son’s Down Syndrome diagnosis 8 days after he was born we knew nothing about his condition save for what our prejudiced views led us to believe. Dr. Google just scared the pants off us both, with all the statistics of everything that could go wrong. After opting to get investigations done to eliminate some of the “big risk” items I remember distinctly announcing to my husband (who is my rock – but who by his own admission, has a tendency to worry that the worst will happen) that my plan was to ignore the “what ifs” until (if ever) they were something we had to face. We both then just decided to “unsee” Zigi’s disability and to treat him like a “normal” child. I wondered then if I was in some form of denial, but I know now, that I was focused on the positives. We both simply chose to see our son as he was – a happy, thriving, “normal” child. We haven’t looked back!

6. Take steps no matter how small

I distinctly remember attending our son’s Special School fundraiser, listening to Matt Golinski’s story – as a father who lost his whole family to a tragic house fire on Boxing Day in 2011. Matt got burned so badly trying to save his wife and their three daughters, that he had to spend months in hospital in an induced coma. He told his harrowing story to us all that night, and he pre-empted the question we were all silently asking ourselves – how did he find the strength to go on? He explained it so simply – “I just put my legs on the floor each day, I stood up and started to walk”. He actually ended up running marathons. He returned to his love, his career as a chef, and since speaking to us, he has found love again with his fiancé, welcoming their daughter just months ago.

His story is the truth we need to hear. We overcome by putting our feet on the ground, standing up and taking steps. We start by doing something – whether it be taking a walk or a run, starting a new course, moving into a new home, using our experience to help others. Doing something – leads us out of the valley and to the other side.

7. With acceptance you lift your eyes to the horizon

Letting go and being still, helps us find our centre again. For me my faith is what steadies me, calms me and gives me the strength to move forward. Taking time to reflect and meditate, gives me a new perspective if ever my mind gets too hung up on the “why” of circumstances and things. Instead I try to understand what I can learn from the circumstance I am dealing with.

When we finally reach the point of acceptance we can get to a place of making peace with what has happened. It is then we can lift our eyes to the horizon to survey what this new life might hold for us.

 

So, there you have it. These are the 7 things that have helped me cope when my world has been turned upside down. I am sure others who have coped with circumstances different to mine, will have other gems to add. What has helped you to cope with curveballs when they have come your way?

Acceptance, Focus
4 Comments on 7 ways to cope when the unexpected happens

Post navigation

Previous postSecrets of a well lived life.
Next postTurning a new leaf

Related Posts

life is about letting go
Life is about letting go
overcoming obstacles and breaking through
Overcoming obstacles before breaking through
Acceptance in grief
Reaching acceptance in grief

4 comments on “7 ways to cope when the unexpected happens”

  1. Matthew Gundrum says:
    December 26, 2017 at 7:29 pm

    Yet another fascinating read ..I hereby admit that you require this deserved holidays ..to recharge n refresh your intuitive mind.

    I laughed out aloud ..when u referred to the forehead slap ..Lol ..we’ve all succumbed to this kind-hearted numb_nutedness ..

    You just seem to have the knack of releasing each of these enlightening scripts ..at just the most apt ..relevant times ..

    May the upcoming 2018 ..have less curveballs thrown your way …though I’m sure you will have other material for you to ponder…

    All the best Zinta

    Matt Gundrum

    1. Zinta says:
      December 26, 2017 at 9:59 pm

      Glad to have given you a laugh Matty! I probably slap myself in the forehead more than others and I know I have put my foot in it when trying to comfort others going through things I have never experienced. I think our life is full of twists and turns, and the occasional curveball – I don’t wish for my life to be “straight” the scenic and curvy route is more interesting! Hope you have had a restful Christmas and that you are looking forward to 2018! Z

  2. Linda Lawrance says:
    December 27, 2017 at 9:25 am

    A beautifully written piece with such wisdom put in a way that is easy to digest. Thank-you!

    1. Zinta says:
      December 30, 2017 at 9:24 pm

      Thank you Linda! Glad you enjoyed it!

Comments are closed.

Hello

I am Zinta Harris. I live in Brisbane, Australia with my husband of 25 years, Craig (known by most as Harry) and our two children Teja and Zigi. I am a specialist wills and estates lawyer by day and inspiration seeker by night. I help Australian families navigate the legal fallout after the loss of a loved one in a calm and compassionate way. My mood is better after a daily double shot coffee and a glass or two of bubbles. I get my energy from people. My superpower is encouraging others. It is my sincere hope that this blog will encourage you. I hope it gives you a chance to chime in with your experience or to feel part of a community that has walked through a valley and made it through. Read about me

Check out my new book! “Rest in Peace” – how to manage an estate dispute without inheriting heartache

https://resolveestatelaw.com.au/

Popular posts

Embracing a new season
Embracing a new season
Celebrating Friendship - World Down Syndrome Day
Celebrate Friendships – World Down Syndrome Day 2020!
Sunset over Florence
Italy bucket list trip insider tips – Florence

Follow me on Facebook!

Tags

Acceptance Anger Beauty Bucket list Celebrate Community Direction Family Grief Hope Identity Lifestyle Love Parenting Positive Reality Uncategorized

Insta Inspiration

There was an interesting program on @insightsbs la There was an interesting program on @insightsbs last night about Inheritance. 
.
My key takeaways:
.
💌Holding conversations about Inheritance before death WITH your family can save so much heartache after you are gone. 
.
💔Escalating conflict by diving into litigation to contest an estate can cost your family everything.
.
❤️‍🩹Taking on an executorship can take a massive toll on those who choose to take on that responsibility (it is a choice by the way - you don't have to accept such an appointment).
.
💓Having no expectation of an Inheritance brings freedom and breeds self sufficiency and drive.
.
💕Finding unique ways to use a modest Inheritance to honour those from whom it has been received can have a profound impact. 
.
You can watch the full episode on SBS on demand. 
.
If you want to know more about how you can hold conversations with your family about Inheritance in a way that will spare your family heartache - please reach out - it is the very reason I wrote my book "Rest in Peace" (you can order your own copy via the link in my bio 👆)
.
#Inheritance #collaborativeestates #compassionwhenyouneeditmost
How are you with change? 💫 Do you resist it or How are you with change? 💫

Do you resist it or embrace it?🥰

Sometimes when change happens beyond our control we find it harder to accept. If we chose a new path it can be easier. 💕

You don't have to wait for the time to be right - a new beginning starts when you chose it.💥

#newbeginnings #newweek #newmindset #newgovernment #mindsetmonday
Still in luuurve 28 years later.💖👰‍♀️🤵🏼‍♂️💖
.
Lucky enough to celebrate with a beautiful dinner at @detourrestaurant and a sneaky staycation @sofitelbrisbanecentral. 💋🍾🍽😋
.
Thanks to Keithy and @roslyn.harris.716
for minding the kids for us!👴👫🧑‍🦳
.
And thank you at @francescasflowers for this stunning arrangement! I'm rating it as my favourite one ever - I love it! ❤️ 💐❤
.
#happyanniversarymylove #lovebirds❤️ #happilymarried #stongertogether #foreverlove❤️ #partnersincrimeforlife #maymadness
While celebrating Craig's birthday this week - he While celebrating Craig's birthday this week - he decided to surprise us - announcing the news that we could get a puppy dog! 🐶
.
Those who know me, know how long the campaign for a dog has been (far longer than the Australian Election Campaign that's for sure)! So I know you will celebrate this win with me! 🥳
.
This has however come as a surprise (even to me) since we truly had lost all hope that Craig would ever change his mind! 😲
.
So now the research on dog type begins! 🐕🦮🐶🐩🐕‍🦺
.
Our thinking is a small-ish dog (one that doesn't need loads of exercise but also won't expect to be carried). Low-sheding fur (is that even a thing?) allergy friendly with a good temperament. 🥰
.
Still tossing up between adopting a dog or buying a puppy from a breeder. Not sure I am ready to embrace another season of sleepless nights and toilet training! 😬
.
So dog-lovers out there - hit me up with your suggestions and tips! 👋
.
#dogloversofinstagram #dogowners #dogbreeds #puppiesofinstagram #puppytips
Happy birthday to my "prince" Craig! 🤴🏼 . I Happy birthday to my "prince" Craig! 🤴🏼
.
I might not be able to spoil you with a stay in an Italian palace this year but I know you would much prefer to be surrounded by your family! 💞
.
We love you more than words could say and we are so grateful for all the ways you love us back so fiercely! 💝
.
The festival of Craig has already begun and will continue - so enjoy all the love that comes your way today. You deserve it all! 🥰
.
#happybithday #manofmydreams #loveofmylife💕 #festivalofyou #maymadness
Here comes the sun do, do, do, do...🌞 . Celebra Here comes the sun do, do, do, do...🌞
.
Celebrating a sunny Monday morning in BrisVegas after the rainy days we have been having of late. 🌤
.
I love it when the sun comes back. It always does. 😘
.
How about you? Do you prefer sunny blue skies? or are you just as happy with the cloudy, rainy, cold ones?😍
.
#newweek #newfocus #newbegining #MindsetMonday #herecomesthesun
Goodness knows we could all do with a laugh! . Go Goodness knows we could all do with a laugh! 
.
Goodness knows we could all support the arts!
.
Brisbane Comedy Festival allowed us to do both! 
.
#laughteristhebestmedicine #supportthearts #comedygold #brisbanecomedyfestival
My beautiful #latviangirl @teja.harris proudly rep My beautiful #latviangirl @teja.harris proudly representing #latvia🇱🇻 at her school cultural night! ❤️ 
.
Weaving her own flower wreath "vainags" with an Aussie twist (Eucalypt leaves) had me bursting with pride! 🥰
.
Who we are, where we come from, our heritage, our roots, our culture and our traditions - are all part of the tapestry of our lives. 💫
.
I am so grateful Teja embraces all parts of her cultural DNA! 💞
.
#whodoyouthinkyouare #culturematters #knowyourhistory #latvianandproud
Follow on Instagram
  • Facebook
  • instagram
  • linkedin
  • pinterest