Skip to content
  • Home
  • The why
  • Contact me
clear

Catching the Curveball

The art of dealing with the unexpected

the art of dealing with the unexpected

In:FamilyPositiveReality

The near miss

January 24, 2018January 24, 2018

Have you ever had a near miss? A moment in time where things could’ve changed your life’s trajectory for ever?

My husband had one, where he was crossing the road in the city one day and a bus ran the red light. It was his quick reflexes and his legs that moved like lightning to the screams of others around him, that meant the bus skimmed past his backside rather than hitting him. I remember him calling me, shaken and in disbelief at what had just happened. I think he went and bought a lottery ticket. We didn’t win any money but we were just so grateful for his narrow escape.

The second time we had a curveball whiz by was in Bali. We had arrived for a family holiday, a celebration of my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. My sister, her hubby and her two boys had joined us from Shanghai where they live. They were in the 10th year of their marriage. Craig and I had just marked our 20th anniversary a few months earlier. We had survived the 6 hour flight and the 2 hour drive to Candi dasa. We enjoyed our first night at the most amazing beach front villa and had come home the following day after exploring the ancient village behind us with the kids. We sat down poolside while the kids all changed into swimmers and jumped into the pool to cool off.

We are vigilant, we have to be. Our son Zigi has Down Syndrome we have to be hyper-vigilant. We have eyes on Zigi pretty much every waking minute. So, we sat close to the pool to keep a close eye on the kids. There was a massive shallow step section in the centre of the pool – it was the reason we had settled on booking this villa – so the boys who were less confident swimmers could splash and play knee deep. Our daughter Teja is a strong swimmer. She loved the water from a young age and was so thrilled to be frolicking up and down the lap pool section of the pool like a dolphin.

The boys were all playing on the step happily. The adult conversation turned to plans for the next day. Barely two sentences were exchanged when we noticed Zigi was inexplicably in the deep end reaching for the pool’s edge. We all stood up. It was then that I saw it wasn’t Zigi in trouble, it was Teja. She was under the water holding up her little brother who couldn’t swim.

By the time we all jumped in the water all I saw was Teja’s white hand reaching upwards.

Zigi was grabbed out of the water and then Craig had to pull Teja out. He dived under the surface expecting Teja to grab his hand, but instead her limp body started to sink to the bottom of the pool. As instinct kicked in and he hauled her upward, time stood still and slow, as every awful thought rushed in – what if he would never be able to hug her again? never hear her laugh ring out? never celebrate another birthday? what if we had to bring our little girl back home in a casket?

By the time Craig pulled Teja up. Her eyes had rolled back. She wasn’t breathing.

The first aid course training I had done when she was just a baby now came surging back to the forefront of my mind. Screaming at the startled Balinese staff to call for help I helped Craig lay her down in the recovery position poolside. I was just about to launch into CPR, when Teja coughed up a lung full of water and took a huge breath. The sound that breath made, will never leave me. Nor will her first words to us – “I’m sorry daddy, I couldn’t hold him up any longer”. Her first words were of concern for her brother who she was trying to save.

Our relief turned to tears. The ugly crying kind, as we held onto our soaked daughter who was shaken, but alive in our arms. The near miss was probably down to a matter of seconds. Had we not turned to check when we had, our life would’ve been changed forever. Our dream family holiday would’ve become our nightmare. But it didn’t.

I had moments earlier refused to let Teja buy some shell hair clips and a head band at the restaurant where we had just had lunch. One of the first things Craig did after we could bring ourselves to let go of each other, was take her back to the shop to buy whatever she wanted! A flash of guilt shot through me.

Teja was fed ice cream and treated to an afternoon mani pedi, while the family distracted Zigi at the villa. All “splurges” to celebrate our near miss.

But what followed afterwards were the after-shock reactions for Craig and I. We both couldn’t sleep. I kept getting recurring flashes of Teja’s reaching hand. Craig’s mind kept taking him to what might have happened. Craig had to set up a mattress on the floor in the kids’ room, just to hear Teja breathing. The thoughts that filled our minds were devastating. The guilt of the things we should’ve done plagued us. The guilt of worrying about Zigi, but forgetting to worry about Teja. The guilt of booking a holiday at such a remote location where first aid was inaccessible. The guilt of “switching off” for a minute. The guilt of being hard on Teja just moments earlier.

We had to find a way to stop the downward spiral of thoughts. It was Teja’s 7th birthday a few days later and we just didn’t want to let this event darken what was meant to be a celebration of family and awesome marriages in particular my parents’ golden anniversary.

So, we turned to our foundation. Our faith. We took comfort in powerful words that helped us overcome the negative thoughts that were oppressing us. Then Teja came up with new lyrics to a Coldplay song that Craig had sung at Teja’s birthday party just a few days before, based around the line “you’re a sky, you’re sky full of stars”. She suggested we add another line to those lyrics – “…and you’re alive, you’re alive in my arms”! And just like that our daughter’s attitude to what had happened and the words she had chosen to celebrate her survival, disempowered the thoughts of never holding her in our arms again. Whenever we felt overwhelmed, we hummed that tune. A day later we celebrated Teja’s birthday and her unfolding life.

In taking those steps, we found a way to switch off the guilt.

Thankfully because of our remoteness we could process all of this “offline”. Instead of posting hundreds of photos of our amazing holiday on Facebook we took the time to live in the moment of every day. To breathe in the coconut husk smoke that filled the air in the mornings as the villagers began their day. To feel the humidity of the warm air heavy on our skin. To enjoy the simplicity of Balinese food and Balinese beer. To help the kids catch tadpoles and feed the giant goldfish. To swim in that amazing wet edge pool overlooking the ocean on a full moon night. To watch our daughter giggle and laugh with her brother and cousins as she returned to water without fear.

We just took time out and enjoyed all that life was offering in that moment while we processed what had happened.

However, coming back from Bali, we found another way to move forward was in sharing our story.

We were slow to do so at the start, but we realised that we needed to, because we didn’t want anyone to go through what we had. We now tell people that Teja was a strong confident swimmer but we had never thought that she might drown because she was trying to help another child. We tell people how quickly and quietly it happened, because we all know that we need to be vigilant, but it is so important that you just don’t take your eyes off the kids when they are in the water.

To this day I have not posted photos of our amazing holiday on Facebook because of the time we needed to process our near miss. Yet the cover photo on this blog is one that was taken at a family photo shoot we arranged to mark the milestone we had travelled to Bali to celebrate.

So now you know why that photo is so important to me. It reminds me of our near miss moment. It reminds me that my daughter is a hero to her brother and to us. It reminds me of how my daughter who had every reason to fear the water, chose not to be afraid but instead returned to frolicking like a dolphin in the water any chance she gets. But most of all it reminds me to be grateful that we are still a family of four.

The lessons I learned from this near miss experience stay with me even now:

  1. Switch off guilt by disempowering negative thoughts and actively finding and focusing on positive ones.
  2. Find space and time to recalibrate.
  3. Learn to live in the moment.
  4. Be grateful and celebrate life.

Have you had a near miss moment that made you reassess how you looked at something? What did you do that helped you?

celebrate, grateful, live, near miss
4 Comments on The near miss

Post navigation

Previous postSeasons – a time for everything.
Next postConversations that matter

Related Posts

World Down Syndrome Day 2018 - fix your eyes on the ups not the downs
Fix your eyes on the…
Celebrating another lap around the sun
Celebrating another lap around the…
not so happy new year
Not so happy new year?

4 comments on “The near miss”

  1. Jennifer Harris says:
    January 26, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    Zinta thank you for sharing this powerful, painful and personal story. The memory of near misses can bring you to your knees for a very long time after the near miss. Your tips for dealing with near misses really help me with one I’m dealing with now. Thank you and love to your beautiful family of four ❤️❤️

    1. Zinta says:
      January 31, 2018 at 10:59 pm

      Hi Jennifer! I have only just seen your comment! I am so glad that you found the post helpful -’tis very much one of the reasons I write and share! Hope you are ok. Take care!

  2. Seona says:
    March 11, 2018 at 2:12 pm

    This is a mind-blowing story. I have two small grandchildren, four years and 10 months, and this story brings home their incredible vulnerability that I’m always worrying about.
    So happy that this ended in the way it did for you … and grateful for the blog.
    Thank you for posting x

    1. Zinta says:
      March 11, 2018 at 5:33 pm

      Thanks so much for reading Seona! I think we all have those moments in life, where we can be grateful that the worst did not happen. We just did not expect to be hit so hard by the guilt in the aftermath. Always happy to share, so that others are vigilant too. It only takes a moment of distraction. But for the grace of God we go…

Comments are closed.

Hello

I am Zinta Harris. I live in Brisbane, Australia with my husband of 25 years, Craig (known by most as Harry) and our two children Teja and Zigi. I am a specialist wills and estates lawyer by day and inspiration seeker by night. I help Australian families navigate the legal fallout after the loss of a loved one in a calm and compassionate way. My mood is better after a daily double shot coffee and a glass or two of bubbles. I get my energy from people. My superpower is encouraging others. It is my sincere hope that this blog will encourage you. I hope it gives you a chance to chime in with your experience or to feel part of a community that has walked through a valley and made it through. Read about me

Check out my new book! “Rest in Peace” – how to manage an estate dispute without inheriting heartache

https://resolveestatelaw.com.au/

Popular posts

Embracing a new season
Embracing a new season
Celebrating Friendship - World Down Syndrome Day
Celebrate Friendships – World Down Syndrome Day 2020!
Sunset over Florence
Italy bucket list trip insider tips – Florence

Follow me on Facebook!

Tags

Acceptance Anger Beauty Bucket list Celebrate Community Direction Family Grief Hope Identity Lifestyle Love Parenting Positive Reality Uncategorized

Insta Inspiration

The work we do in Estate Administration often take The work we do in Estate Administration often takes us across the world. Having a Latvian speaking lawyer means that we sometimes work with Latvian clients! 

Receiving these traditional goodies from the other side of the world made our week! ❤️

#latvianlawyer #estateadministration #internationalestates
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired #lawyering #attorneys #lifeofalawyer #happylawyer #womensupportingotherwomen
#womeninlaw #solopreneurs #creativeentrepreneurs
#dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #livecolourfully
#catchingthecurveball
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer #brisbanelife #brisbanebusiness
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
Today is Australia Day, Survival Day, Invasion Day Today is Australia Day, Survival Day, Invasion Day, Day of Mourning. As a non-indigenous Australian I acknowledge that today is not a day to celebrate. 

I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land where I live and work - Meeanjin (Brisbane) – the Turrbal peoples and the Jagera/Yugerra peoples and I pay my deepest respects to Elders past, present and emerging on this difficult day. 

As a daughter of immigrant parents whose land was stolen and who took refuge and built a new life in Australia - I stand with indigenous Australians today. 

Yet I am torn between thankfulness for all that living in Australia means to us - and mourning with you on what this awful date marks for you. 

I wish we could find a new date - unconnected to events that represent an unwelcomed occupation of this country - as the date for Australia Day so we can celebrate all that we are as one united country. 

#australiaday2023 #notthedatetocelebrate #invasionday #dayofmourning #survivalday #noprideingenocide #alwayswasalwayswillbe #changethedate #changethenation #ulurustatement
✨LAST CHANCE✨ If you are a wills and estates ✨LAST CHANCE✨

If you are a wills and estates lawyer, financial advisor, mediator or psychologist tired of seeing families battling over inheritance - come and join the next cohort of professionals getting trained in the new collaborative model taking the estates world by storm! 

Join others who are flying in from across the country to do both trainings (Core Skills and Advanced) face to face in Sydney on 2 -3 & 4 February 2023 at The College of Law Australia's new campus!

This will be the ONLY face to face training running in Sydney this year and registrations will closing at 11:59PM AEST today! 

The program teaches the unique Collaborative Practice model developed for the pre-death and post death contexts with a particular focus on multi-party and multi-capacity facilitations unique to estate matters. Coupled with practical role play training in an estates “mock file” role play series, you will receive comprehensive training for the Wills and Estates contexts not offered anywhere else!

Click this link to book now!
https://resolveestatelaw.com.au/collaborative-training/
First day of highschool for Zigi! @teja.harris off First day of highschool for Zigi! @teja.harris officially only starts tomorrow but the legend wanted to hang our with her little bro today to help settle him in! 💕

It might have something to do with that snazzy new senior's uniform she now gets to wear starting grade 10! 👔

Zigi said he was scared and nervous but he was super keen to get dressed and ready this morning! 😬

He was sad to have to take his rainbow nail polish off yesterday so we hid some glittery toenails in his shoes and his funky hair cut under his hat! 🤫

Out the door by 8am - a brand new school morning routine for us - that gives me an extra hour every day! 🙌

Bring on 2023!💥

#firstdayofhighschool #newschool #schoolday #downsyndromeawareness #newroutine 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired 
#mumslife #happymum 
#womeninlaw 
#dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #livecolourfully 
#catchingthecurveball
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer #brisbanelife #brisbanebusiness
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
Did you know? ✨Before making an application for Did you know?

✨Before making an application for probate there are 7 things that a will should be checked for. 

✨If the original will can't be found, probate of a copy of the will can be applied for but only in certain circumstances. 

Want to learn more? Read our blog - link in bio. 

Need our help? Book in for a FREE 15 minute clarity call. 

#willsandestates #lawblog #blogginglife #willsandestateslawyer #whattodowhensomeonedies #estateadminstration #lossofalovedone #griefandloss #griefsupport #griefjourney
Sending out good vibes to those who are facing som Sending out good vibes to those who are facing something new this week! ✨️

It's a big week ahead for us as we 
👩‍🏫send kids back to school
💫get ready for our Sydney training and
👶count down till our first REL baby arrives! 

Thank goodness there's a public holiday in the mix! 🇦🇺

Who else is feeling the need for hope and strength this week? 👋

#mondaymotivation #mindsetmonday
#newday #newhope #newstrength 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired 
#mumslife #happymum #happylawyer 
#womeninlaw
#dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #livecolourfully 
#catchingthecurveball
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer #brisbanelife #brisbanebusiness
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
#dailyquotesforyou #wisewordsoftheday 
#thoughtoftheday
#perspectiveiseverything
#havehope
Here's to surviving the first week back at work! ☕️🎉🙌
.
Facing another big week ahead trying to chanel some back to school energy as we enter a new chapter of life with both kids now highschoolers! 👩‍🏫🎒📚
.
Are you on top of the back to school prep or have you left things till the last minute? 🤪
.
Sending out good vibes to all Aussie parents this weekend!💕
.
#firstweek #saturdayvibe #chillaxing #backtoschoolagain #energyneeded #preparationiskey #parenthoodmoments #sendinggoodvibes 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired #lawyering 
#mumslife #happymum #happylawyer
#womeninlaw 
#dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #livecolourfully 
#catchingthecurveball
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer #brisbanelife #brisbanebusiness
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
In the next two decades we are going to see the la In the next two decades we are going to see the largest transfer of wealth from generation to generation in Australian history. 💥

We have all heard horror stories about how disputes over inheritance can destroy families and their businesses while hard earned inheritances are diminished paying legal costs. 💔

Sometimes making a will isn't enough to stop this. Nor is choosing not to a solution. 😪

What if I told you there is a way to manage inheritance  conversations (pre death or post death) without starting a family war? 💫

Want to know more? Head to the Australian Association of Collaborative Professionals (AACP) website where you can find brochures specifically designed to outline respectful methods to manage wills and estate disputes and family inclusive estate planning. 

Checkout the links in my linktree for more details!

#collaborativeestates #collaborativepractice #teambasedresolution #Inheritance #willsandestates #legacyoflove #abetterway 
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired #lawyering #lifeofalawyer
#womeninlaw
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
Follow on Instagram
  • Facebook
  • instagram
  • linkedin
  • pinterest