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Lean on me - anticipating need
In:CommunityPositive

Lean on me – anticipating need

April 26, 2018April 26, 2018

“Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on. For it won’t be long, ‘til I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.”

For some reason the chorus of this song has been annoyingly stuck in my head the last few days – and I apologise, if I have now passed it on to your subconscious mind!

So, I have been thinking, how often do we actually lean on others, or be ready to have others lean on us?

I know I am getting better at realising that I can’t do it all by myself. I have written about the importance of community here.

Asking

But it takes courage to put our hand up and ask for help. Even more to tap someone on the shoulder and ask for something specific.

I remember a friend who suffered from depression, telling me once, that she has a saying that she uses when she feels at her tipping point – “I’m not waving, I’m drowning!” Maybe we should all have a saying like this one, that makes it easier to ask for help.

I know I don’t do that easily beyond my immediate family. I am too proud. I feel too much like I should be capable of handling another little thing even if at times I feel like I am guarding a precarious stack of cards.

Receiving

I find it even harder to receive. Particularly when I haven’t asked for help, and someone has just done something kind. Big gestures or small, I pretty much ugly cry when someone does something nice for me.

Giving

On the other hand, I find offering help, or just doing something for someone, much easier. Now don’t go putting a halo on Saint Zinta just yet – I am no home-cooked meal bearing soul. But if I know someone is doing it tough, I try to think of ways I can help and then execute. It might be buying a beautiful quiche from my local delicatessen and dropping that to them, it might be sending a bunch of flowers, it might be writing a note of encouragement, it might be just arranging a catch up and chatting.

There’s an old bible story about Moses who discovered that if he kept his arms up in the air, during a battle, his people would win. Now I am not as fit as I once used to be, but back in the day (pre-kids) when I used to hit the gym at 5.30am daily and train with a personal trainer and a gym buddy – I know the “burn” that can take hold just from holding arms out or up for more than a few minutes. So – you get the picture – Moses is feeling that burn, so he puts his arms down to shake them out and then his people start to lose the battle. Actual lives are being lost, so we are not talking about gritting teeth to hold out for another minute or two at the gym, we are literally talking about life and death consequences. So, his two best buddies Aaron and Hur see what is going on, they sit Moses down on a rock and they each hold up Moses’ arms until sunset when the battle is won.

Anticipating need

It is not always about asking for help. Sometimes it is about seeing the need and jumping in to hold someone else up, before they ask for help (even if they ugly cry when you do).

My mum taught me, what her father taught her:

To be a good host at a dinner table, you should anticipate a guest’s need before they even ask. If you see a guest looking across the table, you pass the salt before they utter their wish for it.

Now that sounds awfully genteel, but here’s the context. My mum was one of six kids in a family who arrived in Australia years after World War II ended as refugees. Her father had lost his first wife and had as a single dad with a daughter re-married my grandmother. They arrived here with nothing. They worked multiple jobs, while studying for years, in a foreign language, for the qualifications they already held in Latvia – because they hadn’t thought to grab their qualification paperwork when the bombs began to fall.

My grandfather’s statement about foreseeing another’s need was likely made across a noisy dinner table of eight, where the food on it had been prepared after an extraordinarily long day and in circumstances where there was a real concern about how the next meal would be provided. Even then, my grandfather taught my mother, that we should anticipate the needs of others before they ask for help.

We have so much to give.

We can be the ones to foresee a need and meet it. If only we took the time to see.

Is there anyone around you who has been doing the heavy lifting for too long? Even those who look “strong” need their arms held up every once in a while!

Is the salt right in front of you? Who in your circle is looking for what you can provide?

anticipate, encourage, hold up, lean, lift up, needs, support

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Hello

I am Zinta Harris. I live in Brisbane, Australia with my husband of 25 years, Craig (known by most as Harry) and our two children Teja and Zigi. I am a specialist wills and estates lawyer by day and inspiration seeker by night. I help Australian families navigate the legal fallout after the loss of a loved one in a calm and compassionate way. My mood is better after a daily double shot coffee and a glass or two of bubbles. I get my energy from people. My superpower is encouraging others. It is my sincere hope that this blog will encourage you. I hope it gives you a chance to chime in with your experience or to feel part of a community that has walked through a valley and made it through. Read about me

Check out my new book! “Rest in Peace” – how to manage an estate dispute without inheriting heartache

https://resolveestatelaw.com.au/

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Today is Australia Day, Survival Day, Invasion Day Today is Australia Day, Survival Day, Invasion Day, Day of Mourning. As a non-indigenous Australian I acknowledge that today is not a day to celebrate. 

I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land where I live and work - Meeanjin (Brisbane) – the Turrbal peoples and the Jagera/Yugerra peoples and I pay my deepest respects to Elders past, present and emerging on this difficult day. 

As a daughter of immigrant parents whose land was stolen and who took refuge and built a new life in Australia - I stand with indigenous Australians today. 

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This will be the ONLY face to face training running in Sydney this year and registrations will closing at 11:59PM AEST today! 

The program teaches the unique Collaborative Practice model developed for the pre-death and post death contexts with a particular focus on multi-party and multi-capacity facilitations unique to estate matters. Coupled with practical role play training in an estates “mock file” role play series, you will receive comprehensive training for the Wills and Estates contexts not offered anywhere else!

Click this link to book now!
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Did you know? ✨Before making an application for Did you know?

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Want to learn more? Read our blog - link in bio. 

Need our help? Book in for a FREE 15 minute clarity call. 

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Here's to surviving the first week back at work! ☕️🎉🙌
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In the next two decades we are going to see the la In the next two decades we are going to see the largest transfer of wealth from generation to generation in Australian history. 💥

We have all heard horror stories about how disputes over inheritance can destroy families and their businesses while hard earned inheritances are diminished paying legal costs. 💔

Sometimes making a will isn't enough to stop this. Nor is choosing not to a solution. 😪

What if I told you there is a way to manage inheritance  conversations (pre death or post death) without starting a family war? 💫

Want to know more? Head to the Australian Association of Collaborative Professionals (AACP) website where you can find brochures specifically designed to outline respectful methods to manage wills and estate disputes and family inclusive estate planning. 

Checkout the links in my linktree for more details!

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