Skip to content
  • Home
  • The why
  • Contact me
clear

Catching the Curveball

The art of dealing with the unexpected

the art of dealing with the unexpected

Overcoming sadness
In:CommunityGriefLove

Overcoming sadness

July 4, 2018

The Latvian song and dance festival has begun. This year the country celebrates 100 years of its first declared independence (overlooking of course its occupation by the Soviet Union after WWII).

A few days ago, we watched a participants’ parade walk out from the Freedom monument in the centre of Rīga city to the Skonto stadium. Over 40,000 singers and dancers representing each region of Latvia and Latvians from some 23 countries abroad, including from Australia. The parade lasted for over 8 hours, as group after group sang and danced their way through the city.

Since then I have one of the songs annoyingly stuck in my head!

I was pretty much brought up on Latvian folk songs. Back in the day before electronic games and iPads, my mum used to make my sister and I sing through the alphabet in Latvian songs as we drove from Canberra to Adelaide. This song was my go to “B” song because its title is “Bēdu manu lielu bēdu”. A song about sadness.

The thing is though, the song never felt sad to sing. It has a really catchy chorus of non-sensical words “Ram-tai, ram-tai ra-di-ri-di rī-di, ram-tai rī-di ral-la-lā” that pretty much calls for a jig.

When I stopped my auto brain for long enough and focussed on the words, it struck me that the song is actually not at all about sadness, but about overcoming it.

For a nation that has seen its share of sadness, it speaks to how many have kept the spirit of the nation alive despite its circumstance.

In loose translation the song goes like this:

Sadness, my big sadness, I am not going to be sad about you.

I have put my sadness under a rock and stepped over it singing.

I don’t go anywhere feeling depressed.

I go with a song to work and with conversation to my community.

If I was sad about my sadness, then bad luck would rejoice.

Better to go on singing, so that bad luck is sad instead.

If I am going to live, then I choose to live happily.

Obviously, I totally understand that there is a difference between sadness and clinical depression and even sadness in deep grief, so I am not at all suggesting that singing a song instead of getting appropriate help is the answer for that type of sadness. That type of sadness needs far more to heal.

What has struck me most about the song, its message and its melody – is that we are the ones responsible to choose.

We can choose what will fill our mind each day.

It might be an annoyingly catchy song, an uplifting podcast, a daily meditation or reading positive life-giving words. Better to fill our minds with that, than focussing on the negatives.

We can choose to put our sadness under a rock and to step over it.

This might be as simple as beginning to let go of past events and making the best of what our present holds for a better future. It might mean choosing to get professional help to get us through depression or deep grief.

We can choose to reach out to others.

Whether it be at work and in our communities or to our families, friends, and those who are like-minded or who are going through what we are going through – the support of others around us is critical in ultimately overcoming sadness.

We can choose not to allow sadness to take hold and choose to live happily instead.

If we recognise the stronghold that sadness and negativity can have in our life then we become empowered to do something about it.

Behaviour begins in our mind – where our intellect, reasoning, and intentions are contained. It is also where transformation begins. How we think, will determine how our days, years, and ultimately our lives play out. Everything begins in the mind.

Sometimes it is important to “name the source” of our sadness – so that we can reject its power over our thoughts every time those thoughts drop into our head. In the Latvian song, the source was “bad luck” and the songwriter speaks of deliberately choosing not to let “bad luck” win. If you can identify the source of your sadness it will make it far easier to recognise how much you allow it to affect you – if at all. And sometimes you might need to allow it to affect you. Sometimes, particularly in grief, it is important to remember and reflect and honour your loved one lost – but the sadness can be easier to manage if you have already anticipated when those harder moments might hit you so that you can control as best you can, how you might choose to respond.

The key then, is to replace thoughts of sadness and negativity with better thinking, to set your mind on things that are positive and that bring you joy despite your circumstance.

When the world stops turning

I wrote this piece and hours later I received devastating news that a dear friend’s husband had passed away suddenly. He was a fit, healthy man in his 40s who picked up a virus that attacked his heart and now days later he is gone. Leaving my friend Tara, their two young children Mia and Harrison, their broader family and a community bewildered, in shock, heartbroken – utterly shattered.

There just are no words that can be written to describe the pain, the heartbreak, the disbelief in moments like these. I put myself in Tara’s shoes for a moment and I am undone.

In communicating her terrible news, Tara asked for friends to post photographs of her soulmate Joe and to speak of him and the memories shared. The outpouring that continues even as I type, speaks a testament to this wonderful man. Joe loved and was loved deeply by family and friends and he touched the hearts of many more by even fleeting encounters. There are not many in this world that can do that. The shock waves of his early departure will be felt deep and far and wide.

Reading through the sentiments poured out by so many – one stood out to me. Written by Tara’s sister it contained the following poem by David Haskins:

You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or cherish that memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you could do what he would want : smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Clearly the tears and the physical pain of the loss of a loved one so suddenly, will be felt for days, weeks, months and years ahead. The sadness will likely never leave, it will remain like a scar on the hearts of all who knew and loved him forever. Yet I get the sense that because of who Joe was, his nearest and dearest will choose to go on, live on and love on for him.

But for now – in this time of overwhelming sadness – the only choice is to grieve, until the melody of a new song is found.

Vale Joe Cole.

choice, grief, life, Sadness, transformation

Post navigation

Previous postWho do you think you are?
Next postLessons learned from water

Related Posts

Bargaining during grief
Bargaining during grief – hope,…
The art of living after loss - visioning your new normal
The art of living after…
Dealing with anger in grief
Dealing with anger in grief

Hello

I am Zinta Harris. I live in Brisbane, Australia with my husband of 25 years, Craig (known by most as Harry) and our two children Teja and Zigi. I am a specialist wills and estates lawyer by day and inspiration seeker by night. I help Australian families navigate the legal fallout after the loss of a loved one in a calm and compassionate way. My mood is better after a daily double shot coffee and a glass or two of bubbles. I get my energy from people. My superpower is encouraging others. It is my sincere hope that this blog will encourage you. I hope it gives you a chance to chime in with your experience or to feel part of a community that has walked through a valley and made it through. Read about me

Check out my new book! “Rest in Peace” – how to manage an estate dispute without inheriting heartache

https://resolveestatelaw.com.au/

Popular posts

Embracing a new season
Embracing a new season
Celebrating Friendship - World Down Syndrome Day
Celebrate Friendships – World Down Syndrome Day 2020!
Sunset over Florence
Italy bucket list trip insider tips – Florence

Follow me on Facebook!

Tags

Acceptance Anger Beauty Bucket list Celebrate Community Direction Family Grief Hope Identity Lifestyle Love Parenting Positive Reality Uncategorized

Insta Inspiration

The work we do in Estate Administration often take The work we do in Estate Administration often takes us across the world. Having a Latvian speaking lawyer means that we sometimes work with Latvian clients! 

Receiving these traditional goodies from the other side of the world made our week! ❤️

#latvianlawyer #estateadministration #internationalestates
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired #lawyering #attorneys #lifeofalawyer #happylawyer #womensupportingotherwomen
#womeninlaw #solopreneurs #creativeentrepreneurs
#dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #livecolourfully
#catchingthecurveball
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer #brisbanelife #brisbanebusiness
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
Today is Australia Day, Survival Day, Invasion Day Today is Australia Day, Survival Day, Invasion Day, Day of Mourning. As a non-indigenous Australian I acknowledge that today is not a day to celebrate. 

I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land where I live and work - Meeanjin (Brisbane) – the Turrbal peoples and the Jagera/Yugerra peoples and I pay my deepest respects to Elders past, present and emerging on this difficult day. 

As a daughter of immigrant parents whose land was stolen and who took refuge and built a new life in Australia - I stand with indigenous Australians today. 

Yet I am torn between thankfulness for all that living in Australia means to us - and mourning with you on what this awful date marks for you. 

I wish we could find a new date - unconnected to events that represent an unwelcomed occupation of this country - as the date for Australia Day so we can celebrate all that we are as one united country. 

#australiaday2023 #notthedatetocelebrate #invasionday #dayofmourning #survivalday #noprideingenocide #alwayswasalwayswillbe #changethedate #changethenation #ulurustatement
✨LAST CHANCE✨ If you are a wills and estates ✨LAST CHANCE✨

If you are a wills and estates lawyer, financial advisor, mediator or psychologist tired of seeing families battling over inheritance - come and join the next cohort of professionals getting trained in the new collaborative model taking the estates world by storm! 

Join others who are flying in from across the country to do both trainings (Core Skills and Advanced) face to face in Sydney on 2 -3 & 4 February 2023 at The College of Law Australia's new campus!

This will be the ONLY face to face training running in Sydney this year and registrations will closing at 11:59PM AEST today! 

The program teaches the unique Collaborative Practice model developed for the pre-death and post death contexts with a particular focus on multi-party and multi-capacity facilitations unique to estate matters. Coupled with practical role play training in an estates “mock file” role play series, you will receive comprehensive training for the Wills and Estates contexts not offered anywhere else!

Click this link to book now!
https://resolveestatelaw.com.au/collaborative-training/
First day of highschool for Zigi! @teja.harris off First day of highschool for Zigi! @teja.harris officially only starts tomorrow but the legend wanted to hang our with her little bro today to help settle him in! 💕

It might have something to do with that snazzy new senior's uniform she now gets to wear starting grade 10! 👔

Zigi said he was scared and nervous but he was super keen to get dressed and ready this morning! 😬

He was sad to have to take his rainbow nail polish off yesterday so we hid some glittery toenails in his shoes and his funky hair cut under his hat! 🤫

Out the door by 8am - a brand new school morning routine for us - that gives me an extra hour every day! 🙌

Bring on 2023!💥

#firstdayofhighschool #newschool #schoolday #downsyndromeawareness #newroutine 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired 
#mumslife #happymum 
#womeninlaw 
#dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #livecolourfully 
#catchingthecurveball
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer #brisbanelife #brisbanebusiness
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
Did you know? ✨Before making an application for Did you know?

✨Before making an application for probate there are 7 things that a will should be checked for. 

✨If the original will can't be found, probate of a copy of the will can be applied for but only in certain circumstances. 

Want to learn more? Read our blog - link in bio. 

Need our help? Book in for a FREE 15 minute clarity call. 

#willsandestates #lawblog #blogginglife #willsandestateslawyer #whattodowhensomeonedies #estateadminstration #lossofalovedone #griefandloss #griefsupport #griefjourney
Sending out good vibes to those who are facing som Sending out good vibes to those who are facing something new this week! ✨️

It's a big week ahead for us as we 
👩‍🏫send kids back to school
💫get ready for our Sydney training and
👶count down till our first REL baby arrives! 

Thank goodness there's a public holiday in the mix! 🇦🇺

Who else is feeling the need for hope and strength this week? 👋

#mondaymotivation #mindsetmonday
#newday #newhope #newstrength 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired 
#mumslife #happymum #happylawyer 
#womeninlaw
#dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #livecolourfully 
#catchingthecurveball
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer #brisbanelife #brisbanebusiness
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
#dailyquotesforyou #wisewordsoftheday 
#thoughtoftheday
#perspectiveiseverything
#havehope
Here's to surviving the first week back at work! ☕️🎉🙌
.
Facing another big week ahead trying to chanel some back to school energy as we enter a new chapter of life with both kids now highschoolers! 👩‍🏫🎒📚
.
Are you on top of the back to school prep or have you left things till the last minute? 🤪
.
Sending out good vibes to all Aussie parents this weekend!💕
.
#firstweek #saturdayvibe #chillaxing #backtoschoolagain #energyneeded #preparationiskey #parenthoodmoments #sendinggoodvibes 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired #lawyering 
#mumslife #happymum #happylawyer
#womeninlaw 
#dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #livecolourfully 
#catchingthecurveball
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer #brisbanelife #brisbanebusiness
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
In the next two decades we are going to see the la In the next two decades we are going to see the largest transfer of wealth from generation to generation in Australian history. 💥

We have all heard horror stories about how disputes over inheritance can destroy families and their businesses while hard earned inheritances are diminished paying legal costs. 💔

Sometimes making a will isn't enough to stop this. Nor is choosing not to a solution. 😪

What if I told you there is a way to manage inheritance  conversations (pre death or post death) without starting a family war? 💫

Want to know more? Head to the Australian Association of Collaborative Professionals (AACP) website where you can find brochures specifically designed to outline respectful methods to manage wills and estate disputes and family inclusive estate planning. 

Checkout the links in my linktree for more details!

#collaborativeestates #collaborativepractice #teambasedresolution #Inheritance #willsandestates #legacyoflove #abetterway 
#lawyersofinstagram #lawyerslife #lawlife #lawinspired #lawyering #lifeofalawyer
#womeninlaw
#resolveestatelaw #brisbanelawyer
#probate #compassionatelawyer
#choosecompassion #bekindalways
#zintaharris
Follow on Instagram
  • Facebook
  • instagram
  • linkedin
  • pinterest